Moons and magick

National Geographic

 "I have found that covens are for moons and magick. 
Save the Sabbats for family and festivities!"   
~ Melanie @ The Pagan Family

I have been contemplating my pagan path a lot lately.

You see, I had been in a coven for over 16 years. I have been pagan for longer! But my membership in the coven defined my path for so many years. Now that I'm on my own, I think, "What next? What now? Which way, Lady?" And, secretly, am I somehow "less"?

When I mentioned my change in status to my friend Melanie at the beginning of the year and that a Sabbat was coming and now as a solitary with a child, I wandered how to celebrate the Sabbat with my son and without a coven, she made the statement "Covens are for moons and magick, save the Sabbats for family and festivities." That sentence has been resounding through my head now for months. I think it defines what I felt was lacking in my path at the time I chose to part ways with the coven I was in.

• Moons and magick were... well... not feeling as magickal as they once had.
• I was operating under the assumption that the coven was my "family of choice", when in fact I was incorrect.

 Choosing to step out of the coven was a difficult decision. There are lots of things I could say about what led to that decision but those things don't need to be said here and now.  What I'm writing about is basically "thinking out loud" about where I am: Why is Melanie's statement having such an impact on me? Why am I contemplating it so hard? What next, what is different now?

In the very beginning of this year, coven-less, I was quite adrift. But as time went on I realized... nothing *really* has changed other than I don't go to someone else's house once or twice a month. About the only other real difference is that I no longer have a membership in COG. Since all that ever really meant to me was that I had a little card that said I held ordination credentials through COG, and if you asked me to produce that little card right now I'd have to say, "um... dunno where it is." I think that makes it pretty clear how important that card really is in the grand scheme of my life.

Being Wiccan, being a witch, it doesn't mean you need to prove to anyone you are an ordained priest. (unless your state requires such proof to act as clergy in a public capacity, which Iowa does not) Being a Wiccan or witch means you are empowered to be your own priest... not just empowered, EXPECTED to be your own priest.

In that coven's tradition, I held elder status. That did mean a lot to me. I worked for that, I EARNED it. (insert light bulb moment) I am still an elder!  That still means a lot to me.  Elder status conferred "clergy" status, ordination status. Whether that means anything to another wiccan or witch is up to them. It won't change who I am, it won't change the fact that I know I am a Priestess. It doesn't change the fact that once recognized as an elder by myself and others (in that coven and outside of it), I will always remain an elder, an ordained priestess, as long as I choose to be one. I may, should I choose, perform the services of clergy should someone request such services.

So, here I am, contemplating moons and magick, Sabbats and celebrating, and what is next in my path. Another coven? (maybe) Solitary for a while? (surely)

Whatever my path may look like, right now it is one I am building as I am led back toward what has called to me for years.  And exploring THAT is for future blog ramblings. :)